Stefan's Journal

[Stefan Salvatore]

It's becoming harder and harder to resist the urge for human blood. I know what will happen if I get even a few sips---I'll lose control. I'll become the monster I was in eighteen-sixty-four. But a part of me doesn't care. A part of me likes the idea of letting go. That was the part that was awakened in New York. Just a few sips of that sweet, delicious blood, and I was hooked. I wanted more of it. Anna had to pry me off of my victim. And then we fed off of some jerk who thought it was okay to hit a girl. Man, I wanted to return to my old ways when I was dealing with that guy and I did a bit. It felt good, which is what scares me. And now Elena's trying to figure out what's going on. I can't let her find out. I can't let her know how much I want human blood---how much I want her blood. With Katherine's return, I've been thinking that going back on the human blood would be the best way to protect Elena and myself. But what if I lose control again? What if I stop caring?

[Stefan Salvatore]

Elena's in transition. I can't believe I just wrote that down. But it's true. Katherine killed her. And then she came back. I don't think Katherine knew that Elena had vampire blood in her system because the last thing she would want is for her to be around for eternity. I have to admit, a part of me is relieved that Elena had blood in her system as I have no idea what I would've done if she had truly been killed. But I also know that Elena doesn't want this life. What am I supposed to do?

[Stefan Salvatore]

I screwed up. I really screwed up. Anna knows. She knows about Father...what he did to me. She---she caught me on a binge, we started arguing, and it just came out. It's bad enough that apparently we hooked up sometime in the twenties, but now she knows that I'm dirty...tainted. Okay, yes. I know I didn't mention our hook up earlier, but I wasn't really sure if I should put it in here. But yeah, it happened. That's not the issue though. The issue is that I broke the promise I made to my father. I swore that I would never tell. And I just did. Oh man, if Damon ever found out...