'' Can't stop this feeling

[ash]

A S H || m a r i e || I R I S

so i try to be silent while my words they explode like hand grenades
i just gotta stay calm, before i let this time bomb blow up in my face.

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So this is my Journal eh? Skylor bought me the damned thing so I’m guessing he expects me to write in it... Might as well because there are some things I can’t get off my chest like Lottie... I mean Charlotte. Charlotte is, was, my first self. Sounds insane right? Well it’s true. Charlotte Rose... Funny how all my last names have been after flowers. Anyways Back to Lottie, she was a beautiful girl, everyone told her that too. She grew up in Mystic Falls and she had a good high quality life. Her brother bought her pretty dresses, her mother taught her how to be a lady... Everything was perfect to her. Sadly as Lottie got older she began to lose interest in these things. Suitors bored her and she wanted nothing to do with them. She would flirt, oh how she would flirt, but she would never actually court any of them...

Then he came to town.

Lottie didn’t even know his name, he was a beautiful stranger who swept her off her feet simply by his looks. Her parents and brother greatly disapproved which only made Lottie want him more. She would sneak out to meet him or he would climb up into her room but not once was she in a position that compromised her “Virtue”. He sent chills down her spine and made her want to leave her home.

They were planning to, the date was set but then her brother got involved. Lottie valued her brother more than her own life and he came at the Stranger with a gun. Guess what Stranger decided to do? He killed Lottie’s brother in cold blood. He happened to drain him dry and Lottie watched. She screamed, loud and shrill waking the entire down. Beautiful stranger tried to quiet her, to convince her to go with him but she heard nothing of it.

He killed her.

Before he did, with her last breathe Lottie swore she would haunt him for the rest of his life. Sadly that meant every time she was reborn he would hunt her down and kill her. It sucks because every time she was reborn they had Lottie’s memories and the memories of the lives before theirs. None of them smartened up and they all died. Well I am stopping the cycle, I will not let another girl suffer through these memories. I left home and came to Mystic Falls to run away, to escape and to save myself. It felt safe and I recognized it from Lottie so here I came.

I barely had any money, I didn’t have a car, I just had the clothes on my back and a suitcase full of things. I don’t know if Skylor finding me was a good thing or a bad thing... He seems nice but some days I’m not sure. He asks nothing of me in return for staying in his house and no matter what do he just provides. He’s going to want something back someday and I will be prepared to give it back to him.

I guess by now I should start on my week. It was alright, school and work are coming along fine but the most interesting things happen when I’m not on the job. At a bar and Pool House I met with Mr. Lockwood... Not the dead Mayor of course but his son Tyler. He stole my fries and challenged me at pool. It was actually an entertaining night. I think I might consider him a friend... maybe... I’m not even sure yet. Really Tyler is just another person who could hurt me or who could get hurt once Stranger catches up to me... Ugh I have to stop thinking like this! I’ve trained myself to drive a stake through someone before they realized what happened, I’m going to stop this cycle and I’m finally going to have a Normal Life!

Ashley

JACK from caution 2.0 made this gorgeous template. He worked hard, so leave the credit on, bitch.